Helping Others

As a professional helper, I believe the greatest challenge helpers sometimes have is to not be annoying know-it-alls.

Intuitively it may make logical sense that if you have expert knowledge and you share this knowledge with someone else, then they will be better equipped and skilled in fixing their problem. At times this can work very well. In reality, it is seldom this straight forward and simple. People are not simple: input new knowledge into Person A, and now Person A is ready to take on the world. Plenty of times we take a class, talk to a therapist, priest, or friend,  or pick up a new self help book, only to cognitively learn and understand the content, and then make no changes in our life or relationships.

The real helper empowers others not by giving advice and solely teaching effective ways to cope with problems, but by acknowledging the tremendous courage it takes for our clients to show up to their lives and the skill they already possess in navigating their worlds. As I listen to people tell me about their experiences and difficulties, I am keenly listening for nuggets of wisdom and resilience that their stories convey. Sure, I have some "expert knowledge" to help them along their way, but they  build the will and confidence to improve their lives by realizing the innate goodness and abilities that already lie within them. By being a listener and a witness to their stories, I am in a unique and priviledged position to see what often goes unseen. I am constantly amazed by the strength and resilience of my clients, as well as the ability they have to find solutions to their problems. The art of helping comes in the balance of respecting my clients' autonomy and providing a gentle guidance or pointing towards that which simply "works" for my client to bring them what they are seeking.

By fostering these strengths and empowerment, clients become much more capable of solving their own problems and do not need a therapist. My goal is always to give credit to my clients and work myself out of work. Helpers do not need to know it all, and they will never be an expert on another person's experience or life. In fact, we must be careful not to overtake responsibility in someone else's life by letting our own values bleed into the agency of another person. We must question our own "knowing" because our way through navigating the world may not be that which works for our client.